This spam letter has it all – international intrigue, money stuffed inside electronics and airport theatrics. It takes someone with a unique combination of riskiness and zero awareness to bite the hook on this one.
As always, spam letter first (unedited), then my response. Enjoy.
I’m Mrs. Jennifer Lar a German citizen though you don’t know me. My colleague sometime in the past solicited for your partnership in a transaction in regard to getting some funds transferred to your account but you opted out due to reasons best known to you, which left the transaction pending then.
Well he later solicited for my partnership and support on the same transaction, though he informed me about your effort to assist him. We therefore agreed to compensate you after a successful transfer.
I am very happy to inform you about our success in getting the funds transferred under my co-operation. We left London, UK for Paris, France to have our fun and Share the Joy of the successful transaction. hehehehe don’t you ever think that we forgot you, no we didn’t forget your past efforts and zeal to assist at that time, Personally I love being transparent.
Anyway as agreed to compensate you to show our gratitude, we bought some gifts which include gold jewelries, ipads and laptops for you. We tried to call you on the phone but to no avail. We are flying to China tomorrow and will barely have access to email. Due to time constraints we had no other option than to leave the items with Excel Global Courier Service Company agent in DEEPWATER, WEST VIRGINIA USA to convey the items to you pending your address reconfirmation. The bag is currently at airport cargo dept in VIRGINIA USA since 9 days ago.
Inside the laptops bags, you will see $20,000 each (that’s 9 laptops) making it $180,000 USD. I hid them inside the laptops bags so that nobody will see it. Instruction has been given the Excel Global Courier Service Agent west Virginia branch to deliver the items to you as soon as you reconfirm your receiving details to them. I will be very busy with travel arrangement, flying to China like i told you so i will barely have access to mail. Hence I thought it wise to furnish you with Courier Service agent contact details at once so as to enable you contact them when you are able to read this mail.
Please note that the bag has been at the airport for 9 days as i earlier said and i was told that storage cost per day is $25. That is the ONLY fee you have to send to William as i have paid for the DELIVERY. Anything above this fee is completely illegal
Below are their contact details…. E-mail them immediately and ask about item code: XXXXX by me.
Company Name: Excel Global Courier Service
Contact Agent: Mr. Deburrs William
Agent Email: XXXXX
Thank you very much for your zeal to assist. Let friendly love continue! I’m off….Take care and God bless. Finally, remember that I have paid for the delivery charge, so feel free to get in touch with the agent. Pls pray for our safe trip. Please note that the courier company agent don’t know anything about the hiding money in the laptops, don’t ever disclose it to anybody.
Mrs. Jennifer Lar
This is Agent Night Sweats, reporting for duty. I have encrypted this response, to be sure our tracks are hidden.
Let my zeal to assist never be in question. Though our previous transaction was postponed – due to a hair-raising run in with The Pumpkin Lord down under – I do in fact remember our arrangement, and intend to honor it. Nay, even that great gourd slinger’s attacks across Australia couldn’t make me forget!
What business do you have in China? Are you tracking the whereabouts of the Dark Cartographer? I heard he was in that area. His plan for distributing maps with subtle deceptions on them must not succeed.
I felt the time was drawing nigh and owe you my deepest gratitude for taking the liberties you’ve taken. I believe VIRGINIA AIRPORT is the perfect cover – I will slip in and out like a greased bison.
When you mentioned you like to “be transparent,” I assume you could have only been referring to the “Glass Tuxedo” cloaking device I have been beta testing. I thought it was a secret – kudos on your homework! The suit itself is coming along nicely, although I must find a suitable replacement for the actual glass, as I nearly bled to death putting on the cummerbund. I will wear this when I pick up the laptop and jewelries.
I promise you I will tip off no one. If they ask what’s in the laptops, I’ll be all “data files and musics MP3s of course. How’s about a Joe Camel? Baseball!” See how natural that was? You can trust me.
If you need to reach me, tune your short wave to frequency 5670. You may or may not hear a O-Town song being sung by the Mens Wearhouse guy looping on the station. Just wait for it, and I’ll be on shortly.
Once I have secured the bags, you will hear from me. Until then, thank you, and let friendly love continue indeed!