Looking for Love

There’s so many of these that seem to find their way into the spam folder, some better than others. But when dreams align, special things can happen.

As always, spam letter (unedited) first, then my response second. It helps if you read my response in a voice just like Tom Hanks from this scene.

_____________

Hi.
Are you looking for a girlfriend? Maybe I’m the that interest you! My name is Veronika and last name is Vinogradova. I live in Yekaterinburg. I am a pretty “kitten” with a nice figure. You can see for yourself in my photos.

I am 31 years. I have a good education and a profession favorite. I like getting tanned on the beach, swimming and playing in summer games. I abhor being idle and I don’t love boors.

I have dark hair and blue eyes and would love to write letters with good man. Oh, I can speak for hours about my ideal match and how I see relations with my true love.

If you dream you meet me then contact me <…> communicating with me is easy and interesting and you will never be bored with me.

________

Hello.

I am called Jakob and my family name is Jakobsin. As luck would smile, I have vacation in Yekaterinburg many summers and have seen many kittens that are pleasing.

I have few question:

1 – When you speak of nice figure, by this do you mean tabby, calico, or siamese? You say blue eyes, so I assume siamese. The picture only show pretty woman (would love to meet one that is like her, haha!). But like most sneaky cat, I assume you hide among the photograph! Ha, sneaky cat, sneaky cat!

2 – By 31 years, by this do you mean cat years, or human years? I have much concern if you mean human years, as pet insuring where I come from cost many. I think you mean cat years because 31 years old is too old for “kitten.”

3 – I also do not like boors or idle being. Where I stay, I have many caves of yarn and spires of carpet barrels and steps – does this please you? I serve the feast the Americans refer to as “Fancy” – it is much delight!

4 – What is your profession favorite? My last pretty lady was profession in chasing of rodents! She was very beautiful and useful and I miss her very much! Maybe your profession favorite is using computer, of which I am surprised and impressed.

Please respond quick so as may I have to order collar and flea treatments. I look much happy to welcome you to my home.

Jakob

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