Next of Kiln

For this last correspondence, I decided to take a softer approach, really get the dialogue going. I’m happy with how it’s all turned out, though I do wish these foreign philanthropists who keep dying would trust their money to better people.

As always, spam letter first (unedited), then my responses. Take my word that this correspondence is 100% legit. If you like it, share it.

___________________

Good Day,

I contacted you because your name and email contact was among the findings that matches the same Surname during my quest to locate a relative of my late client who died leaving behind USd28.5M,and would therefore love to Reinvest the dormant money to you,since you have the same surname.All necessary details needed to claim the Funds are with me. if interested please respond with the following to enable us to proceed in this matter to mark a beginning of a mutual benefiting business relationship with you.

Sincerely,
Engr. Mark Tumelo

Engr. Mark,

This is fantastic news! I always felt this could happen one day. What do you need from me?
Jak
Dear Jak,
Thank you for your prompt response to my email.  I believe with time you will find out all you need to know to enable us finalize this transaction and why I sent you this proposal. I am Mark tumelo personal account manager to late Dr Barrowclife Schuster who was a business man and an expatriate in south Africa before his death.
According to our Government Policy here, any account that is non-operational for a period after two years is bound to be frozen/confiscated by the Government. This account could not be frozen after all these while due to my involvement and protective eyes as the account supervisor. Unfortunately, I cannot protect the deposit any longer because the pressure is becoming so much on me.
Since you will be standing as the next of kin to late Dr. Barrowclife Schuster you are suppose to have been in contact with the bank a long time before now, that is why the email I sent first had to demand for the information’s, to enable me fill the forms you were suppose to have filled , and then forward it to the right department so as to avoid suspicions when you apply in person.
I can only secretly fill a form for application of claims as if you did this some months Ago and then went back to your country.
I only demand something in return , do not make mention of my involvement to anybody in this country and in your country until we are through , to avoid suspicions, and please learn to act on my instructions, so we can conclude successfully.
Once you confirm that you have received the money I will then wipe out all the records here in the bank relating to you.
The most important issue in this deal is to make sure that the person that I will present will not disappoints me at the end of the deal. For I will like to go into any profitable venture as soon as the money gets into your account. Therefore I will include that you assist me with the profitable venture that I will be going into one which you think will be profitable before we meet in person when I will be coming for my share. If I may ask, What is the possibility of investment opportunities in your country?
On your return mail I will tell you the next step to follow on how to contact the bank and please you just have to try and be discrete about this transaction.
Best regards,
Mark Tumelo
Mark,

Thanks for the quick response. Sounds like a big basket of legal mumbo jumbo to me, am I right?
I can tell you that the timing is perfect as I’m several thousand in the hole on a large saltwater aquarium project. I can tell you, this is NOT the investment opportunity you are looking for! But you catch ONE starfish on a trip to Florida with your family and the wheels start turning and here we are LOL!
So anyways, what do you need from me?
Jak
Dear Jak,
Any investment that you feel is good i will be fine by it  if we can work together and make good thing out of this fund. Keep me posted if we can still work together on this. I will guide you on every step of the way to achieving success. Keep in touch with update news.
Mark Tumelo
Mark,

That’s great news. Talked to my wife about it last night and I was so energized that I finished the aquarium project. I’m going to be honest, it turned out really well. See attached picture.
fishtank
But it got me thinking – maybe there IS a demand for these types of aquariums. Lots of people want pets but they don’t want to deal with dog hair or cat litter boxes or the shedding skin of an iguana. NOTHING is more low maintenance than a giant saltwater habitat for marine life.
I have a few contacts on the gulf coast that can get me eels on the cheap. What do I need to send you to get this going?
Jak
Dear Jak,

You are not sending me anything to get this going. All you need to do is to contact the paying bank and they will instruct you on how to claim this inheritance. Upon your willingness to contact the bank i will forward the banking information to you ASAP. Keep up with update news.
Mark Tumelo
My bad!

My bank’s address is 9900 W. Parmer Ln, Austin, TX. (reader note – this is an address for a Baskin Robbins)
Do you also want me to mail some of the fish tank samples?
Jak
Mr Jak,Please take note of the information’s needed before we can contact the bank that will process the transfer.1: Full Name
2:Full Physical Address
3:Age
4:Marital Status
5:Profession
6:Private Telephone Numbers

To enable me proceed officially with the Change of Rights and Privilege to make you the new beneficiary.

Whoops, sorry about that! Just called the bank so I could get these answers:

1. Full Name – The gal that usually helps me is named Layla
2. Address – 9900 W. Parmer Ln. Austin, TX
3. Age – They wouldn’t tell me on the phone, but I think she’s about 27-28
4. Marital status – Assume she’s married. She has that “way” about her. Not sure why you need this info?
5. Profession – Bank teller. Not sure if she does anything else.
6. Phone # – 512-248-2275 (also a phone number for the same Baskin Robbins)
So what is next? You’ll call them, then I can go ahead with this shiny aquarium pebble order to get things going? My guy in Vietnam will only wait so long.
Thank you,
Jak
Dear Jak,

The information i need to go ahead is your information to enable me process some document on your behalf before you can contact the bank here. I need your;
1. Full Name………………………………
2. Contact Address……………………..
3. Age……………………………………….
4. Marital Status…………………………
5. Occupation…………………………….
6. Next Of Kin…………………………….
7. Contact Phone Numbers…………..
8. Identification Card…….. Drivers Licence or International Passport.
Upon these i would help you open a file prior to when you will contact the bank, to enable you have a record with the bank. Keep me posted as soon as possible.
Mark
Ha OK I’ll work on that. Let’s definitely list my occupation as “Ocean Habitat Engineer” in advance.

Regarding my “next of kiln,” I don’t actually own a kiln and have never been very good with pottery. I tried once in middle school and failed miserably (see attached).
pottery fail
Do I need a kiln to proceed? Not sure if I have the house for that (see attached).
small house
Jak
Dear Jak,

What i mean is Next Of Kin… who will take over from you just in case don’t be a joker my friend. I need all these information as soon as possible… and i need you copy of ID asap
Ha sorry, Mark. Didn’t have my monocles on.

So I just got off the phone with the bank (Layla was NOT there, unfortunately) and they said I actually need your contact info. They also has some reservations that this might not be legit – should I be concerned?
Jak
Dear Jak,

I am working over time just because i want us to get to somewhere on this transaction. And this transaction involve huge magnitude of fund which you do not discuss with any body because;
1. Because there are a lot of envious people out there who do not want you to achieve your goal.
2. They might want to get the information and  divert this fund from you.
I will beg of you not to discuss this transaction with any body, Please for security sake. Provide me the information i ask from you, which are:-
1. Full Name………………………………
2. Contact Address……………………..
3. Age……………………………………….
4. Marital Status…………………………
5. Occupation…………………………….
6. Next Of Kin…………………………….
7. Contact Phone Numbers…………..
8. Identification Card…….. Drivers Licence or International Passport.
Then we can begin from there and i will give to you the bank address to contact them your self ASAP. Keep up with update news.
Mark
Mark,

Now you really have me worried. There’s a van that’s been outside my house for last 3 hours, just sitting there. It says “First Class Landscaping” on the side – perfect cover for the fuzz!
My wife has turned off all the lights and we are keeping a low profile. I left a VM for Layla and told her to deny everything.
Should I mail you this information, to be safe? You can never trust the internet (note how the word “net” is in the word itself!).
Keep up with update news.
Jak
Dear Jak,

This is just this information there is nothing the net would do about your information… Just Fill in your information as follows.;
1. Full Name………………………………
2. Contact Address……………………..
3. Age……………………………………….
4. Marital Status…………………………
5. Occupation…………………………….
6. Next Of Kin…………………………….
7. Contact Phone Numbers…………..
8. Identification Card…….. Drivers Licence or International Passport.
Mark
Mark,

With all due respect, I have to disagree. By now it’s well established that I work in the fishing business. What do I use a NET for? To CATCH things! And with the exception of one very oddly affectionate lobster, I can tell you none of the things I have caught ever wanted to be CAUGHT.
It’s plain as day to me that I am being set up by the police here. I am truly sorry, as I wanted us to go into business together.
Keep up with update news,
Jak
Dear Jak,

How do you need to know that is is not a set up…? Do you need to post the information via POST then we can beginning from there, Would that make you believe that is is not a set up…? Could you give to me few of the information and keep some vital ones . This only i would need then.
1. Full Name………………………………
2. Contact Address……………………..
3. Age……………………………………….
4. Marital Status…………………………
5. Occupation…………………………….
6. Next Of Kin…………………………….
7. Contact Phone Numbers…………..
Keep me posted ASAP
Just received this text from an anonymous number?!?!

“Beware of the old fisherman’s net!”
Are you messing with me? I’m so scared. Disavow.
Jak
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