Rock N’ Roll Guacamole – Sure to Delight!

I’ve shared this recipe on numerous recipe sharing sites now and have received some great comments thus far. In this pivotal election year, I’m just happy to make a difference.


I want to share this recipe with you guys that has been nothing short of transformational for us. I call it “Rock N’ Roll Guacamole” (you have to leave off the “ee” sound at the end so it rhymes and so your spouse will respect your creativity, I’ve learned.)

When I think about “whole” living, I like to involve my whole persona, who I truly am. So before I “get my split on” (cool kids slang for opening avocados), I like turn on some Eagles or Staind records to get in the swing of things.

On to the ingredients!

4 FRESH California avocados – don’t use them from anywhere else because I love this country

1 ACTUAL heirloom tomato

Free range mayo

2-3 washed, boiled & baked serrano peppers

About a half of stick of butter

Some spices

Before you get started, check to make sure your avocados are actually FROM California. Just because it says something like “San Jose” or whatnot, don’t assume that’s from the West Coast. Prob safe to assume nearly every town in Latin America has a “San Jose” for obvi reasons. These colors don’t run!

I’ve found it’s cheaper to buy avocados that are a bit too ripe. To get them tender enough to eat, I just put them in the dryer for about 15 minutes on the “delicates” setting, and then it’s time to get your split on!

Crank up the Eagles (deep tracks only) to 3/4 volume, and start cutting into those avocados. Take out the large seeds, but don’t discard them! Instead, keep them for a game of “Nature’s Marbles” after dinner, and teach your kids about what their toys might be if war ever comes to American soil.

In a food processor, Vitamix or washable baseball glove, combine the slices and avocados with our other ingredients. Fold in the butter last with a silicone spatula or gentle, t-ball like movements within the baseball glove.

Now here’s the most important part, and where most go wrong. Don’t just sling that stuff into a bowl like some prison buffet attendant. Our forefathers wanted more than that!

Switch tracks to Zeppelin, and with one hand on your heart and another inside the baseball glove, begin reciting the pledge of allegiance. Turn the glove 90 degrees over your bowl as you speak, and let gravity do the rest. The pledge is just the right amount of time to let all the guac you need plop into the bowl. BONUS – the leftover guac serves as a nice glove oil & conditioner.

Serve with plantain chips or jicama javelins (separate recipe), and enjoy!

You HAVE to let me know once you guys make this.


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