NEWS ALERT: Local Whole Foods Hires Another Guy That Looks Like Moby

Austin, TX – In a move that should surprise no one, local grocer Whole Foods has hired yet another employee that looks like the musician Moby.

Rigley Barth, affectionately known as “Rip” to his friends and fellow members of his ska band, started last Monday as a checkout assistant. Barth indicated his role will serve a variety of functions, as his professional mantra is “to just go with it.”

“Working at ‘WF’ was kinda a no brainer for me,” said Barth. “There’s a short list of places where you can show up for the interview without shoes and with earlobes like these,” he added, pointing to his quarter-sized ear piercings.


Whole Foods’ generous health benefits were also a draw for Barth, who volunteered without prompting that he “had some extra mileage” from his time touring with his band.

When asked if he would now be shopping more frequently at his place of work, Barth dismissed the notion quickly.

“Even with our discount, I’m can’t pay $9 for eggs,” said Barth. “The ol’ Rip Tide needs to come back into current for that,” he added nonsensically, gesturing a wave motion before riding a shopping cart to a nearby collection station, signaling informally that the interview had ended.

At the time of this writing, there were at least 6 other employees that match Barth’s general appearance, and fellow employees are now referring to Barth as “Moby 7.”



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