Knife Infomercial Overestimates How Many Customers Roast Entire Hams

For the third consecutive year, the makers of the “ZeusKnife” have greatly misjudged the cooking and dietary patterns of their target demographic in their headline commercial.

Featuring an 17-second introduction about the sacred craft of knife making in Japan, Mexico-based ZeusKnife’s infomercial then cuts to 3 hams soaring through the frame before being sliced mid-air by a series of knives.

A recent survey of ZeusKnife customers reveals that over 94% of their customers have yet to roast and subsequently slice a full ham. More shocking still, over 98% report that none of their items have been sliced in the air, while the remaining 2% reported minor to severe injuries in their attempts.

The ad then highlights product durability, referencing the strength of the Greek god of thunder and lightning. This reference, which offers a puzzling juxtaposition to the introductory praise for Japanese craftsmanship, is meant to highlight the products 3-year normal wear and tear warranty (note: buyer pays return shipping). A recent poll suggests that 78% of customers were not bothered by the reference, as over 65% of them identified the name “Zeus” with a monster truck.

When ZeusKnife customers were polled about recent use, the most common response was “perforating the bacon wrapper,” followed by “opening packages” and “cutting dog food bag open.”

At the time of this writing, the company is offering to double the order if customers call now, superimposing a duplicate montage of flying hams, bringing the total potential air ham count to 9.

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